I Accidentally Got a BRAZZERS Account

Every Wednesday, I get tipsy, or should I say WASTED? Every Wednesday is Wasted Wednesday on Lipstick and Vodka’s Facebook page, it’s a whole party in the middle of the week. I tell my darkest secrets and my funniest stories. A few Wednesdays ago was one of the most awkward and uncomfortable live streams for myself because two guys, whom I have some history with, were both on, asking for some very personal information both tailored to them. So what did I do?

Naturally, when I get drunk I get horny ~no shameeee~ so with all these dicks flying at me during the live stream it’s only natural that I want some at the end of the night, right? Well, I’m going through this dick cleanse, so boys are not allowed in my house in fear that I may dry hump their leg!

I woke up Thursday morning, happy that I didn’t end up calling a dude to come over. However, I woke up to a $24.99 charge on my card to BRAZZERS! When I say I died laughing, I literally laughed so hard that I felt crazy laughing alone at my house.

Everything started rushing back to me that morning. I remember being so turned on that I needed porn, but pornhub didn’t have exactly what I was looking for. I, drunk and horny, clicked on Brazzers and didn’t care how much it was, just so I could get off.

The next day I had to, obviously, cancel my membership, because I ain’t gonna be payin’ no damn $25 for porn, when I can get it fo’ free! Now let me tell you, THAT WAS AN EXPERIENCE.

Brazzers works with a third-party company to process their payments so when I called to cancel my membership, the lady on the other end got my information and said “hmm… I see you got a membership to Brazzers.”

My face immediately turned red. “Yes, I just wanted to cancel it, please.”

“May I ask, why?” she asked as a protocol for her company.

I didn’t have an excuse other than “it was a drunken mistake and I’m just trying to fix it now.”

She legit GIGGLED and said “I understand”

I died more inside! She understood my situation!! Haha

From what I can remember, Brazzers was totally NOT worth the $25 price tag. We all know porn is all about horrible acting and creating moves that normal people would never reenact. Well, a $25 membership does not change that, so buying this damn membership was totally not worth it!

What’s the silliest thing you’ve done or bought when drunk?

-Adios Borrachxs! ?

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