The 5 Guys You Meet on Tinder

I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m on tinder. It’s a fun way to meet people and if you’re lucky, you can get off too. The men you meet on tinder are far from being your prince charming but it’s so much fun. Swiping right turns into a fun game because it’s like “left, left, left, left, right! Left, left, left.” You’re lucky if you swipe right at least once in the 5 minutes you’re on it. So what kind of men do you match with on Tinder? Well, I’ve broken it down for you so you don’t have to go through the cringe-worthy conversations I’ve had to sit through.


This brings back major Jersey Shore and GTL vibes. This is the dude we all love to hate. A majority of the pics you’re sliding through end up having a skull emoji covering his face and him flexing in all of them.  This dude does nothing but preaches about gains and gym time. NEXT!


He’s here for a good time not a long time. This guy has tons of pictures in his uniform and lets you know he’s going overseas again, and soon! He’s sweet and practically trying to marry you every 5 seconds. Someone get him on the bachelor, please!


This is the dude that probably tried hooking up with you all four years of high school and you ducked every chance you got. You immediately swipe left because they bring up old drama from high school and you’re not 18 anymore. If you accidentally swiped right and didn’t notice until it was too late, you’re probably getting messages like “Why didn’t we hook up in high school?” “X was wrong for cheating on you with Y” IRRELEVANT!


This is the dude we are allowed to call “Daddy,” for now at least.  He’s good-looking, has all the physical features we’re into, and has a good paying job. The problem? He doesn’t know how to talk to women without being a misogynistic homophobe who shames you after openly admitting you’re on tinder for some grade A dick. BOY BYE!


He is the king of douchebags! He’s the dude that has a girlfriend but is on tinder under a different alias. You only know he has a girlfriend porque es amigo de una tia, y ella sabe que tiene novia. He’s a huge ass but sexy af! The big question, are you getting your big O or are you looking elsewhere?

This, sadly, is the hand we’ve been dealt, ladies and gents. I won’t lie, it’s a little disappointing because even if you’re not trying to marry this person, you at least want to be able to tolerate them. How can we when this is the best you got?

What kind of men have you dealt with? Let me know in the comments below


Adios Borrachxs!

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One thought on “The 5 Guys You Meet on Tinder

  1. Haha one time I matched with one dude and he messaged me right away and was like hey baby girl I unmatched him and he found me on Facebook and messaged me again

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